Before the field trip we had in TFDP (Taskforce Detainees of the Philippines) last March 3, 2014, I confess that though I was curious, I felt a tinge of apathy. After our visit, I felt like I should be slapped across the face. I was shocked with all the emotions I felt from all the revelations that came my way. I was disturbed that I felt apathy at all.
Apathy. It is the lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern. It is indifference. Honestly, I was seriously alarmed. I felt guilty. I felt shame. And just like any other human being in denial, I reasoned and justified what I felt with myself: “I felt apathetic because….
1) I was not born yet.
2) I couldn’t have done anything anyway.
3) I don’t think I’d be the type to “fight” anyway.
4) It’s their fault for coloring the world TOO yellow.
5) Nothing really changed after all the fighting.
6) Everything felt like a publicity thing.
…and many more…..
As you would see, at some point, I started blaming others for what I felt. This just made my list longer and the thing is, it really didn’t make me feel any better.
If you know me personally, you would have noticed how much I believe in Someone up there or an external power like fate. All semester long, I’ve been trying to figure out why I was put in the Project Nameless Collective. After this, I think I just found out. This was a wake up call for me. I was given the chance to snap out of my apathetic state and to become more involved.