Ego of a Thousand Shadows

I dragged my feet along the path I wish not to take. What drove me to this highway was that of the quiet whispers and endless nagging of voices I refuse to hear and listen to. I was not convinced of the reasons why I must take this road. There seemed to be an invisible and powerful force that pushed me and pulled me both at the same time. My body was sore but my dilemma was bigger than this ache. I was lost in myself—in my train of thoughts. I knew not who I was, where I was going and where I would want to be. I am consumed by all this bitterness of the life I used to have. I am shaken and my world is slowly crumbling, even faster than the walls of Jericho did. Continues echoes of these voices behind me continued to haunt me every night. I move my body from left to right and grind my teeth. I am terrified by the thought of tomorrow. Ashamed of my past, confused at the present, the future brings no hope.

I ran as fast as I could. Swift shadows continue to hunt me. My legs are feeble and my feet frail. My pace slowed down and my panting breaths brought me nowhere. I continued to search for a safe haven but all I see are tall edifices that reached up to the sky. I looked above and saw no trace of light. Smog filled the atmosphere and smoke of which burned my lungs. I tried to breath but I was running out of air. My eyesight blurred and the next thing I knew, I was found alone in a dark, isolated place.

I woke up and looked around. These shadows were everywhere. They brought me here. In a corner I was, hugging my knees. My throat was dry and there was no use for crying for help. Shadows surrounded me, they were big, black, tall and scary. They continue to murmur things I refuse to heed. Their whispers turns to shouting the moment I took cover of my ears. I close my eyes and pretended not to see.

I am raped by the unending hustling of voices. I am criticized and brought down by such words. I am undressed by gossip and crushed by angst. My identity taken down by such harsh disapprovals, I am no longer able to get up. Hopes and dreams ceased to exist. My life buried six feet below the ground.

Tomorrow is but a day I will never see. I am taken away by these black shadows. Opinions of which doesn’t matter but I am swayed anyway.

Tomorrow is but a thought I will never concretize. Brick after brick, the bridge to a happy civilization have been set on fire. I could no longer cross. I am isolated.

Tomorrow is but a fiction. Reality of tomorrow is but a dream. Death has taken its toll on me tonight. I found no use of speaking up. No one could hear me anyway. No one would dare to listen.

I was blinded by darkness, made deaf by the loud silence and mute by fear.

I am but an example of a coward who refuses to fight.

I am but a failure.

I am a prisoner of my own fears.

I have become one of them.

I have become a shadow. 


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